As I write this it will be two years ago today that I was told about my cancer. Thinking back I can remember the exact moment, feeling, silence and world abruptly crashing with a scream. I was 32 and it was July 30, 1997.
The morning after a tonsillectomy to remove an abscess right tonsil my doctor went right into what the problem was squamous cell carcinoma. "What?" I don't understand. It just did not make sense. I was an avid runner, did not smoke and only drank beer socially. I was a mothers dream when it came to my diet fruits, vegetables, lots of water, fried foods and meats only on occasion. So, I'm healthy and now this? Hey, this does not happen to people like me we are young, healthy.
Ok, so I'm feeling like a million dollars on Wednesday July 30, 1997 after the tonsillectomy and ready to go to work the next day and Dr. Ellis is giving me my options without time to think about what's going on. Surgery to remove the cancer OR surgery plus radiation treatments OR just radiation OR do nothing. All I really remember was the "I don't recommend you do nothing part". Later I found out that when he prepped me for the tonsillectomy on Tuesday, I immediately began to bleed a lot and this told him this is not good. Dr. Ellis immediately called is scheduling nurse, Jennifer, and had her schedule an operating room for Thursday as he thought I had cancer. His suspicion was dead on.
After going over the cancer with me on Wednesday, Dr. Ellis reviewed the procedure. It would involve cutting down my chin and then back along my neckline to gain access and remove the tumor. He would also remove my right peck muscle and attach it to my neck to replace any mass and muscle removed during the surgery. Seemed like a lot, but I could get through it. I had no idea what it was going to feel like. No idea.
"Now, I want you to get out of bed, get dressed and go to my office because you need to meet with my speech pathologist". What? Speech Pathologist? Hey, what's that? Then he went to explain that the operation might effect my speech and swallowing. My speech? Wait a minute, I'm in sales, this is how I make a living, not my speech! So, Wednesday was the longest day of my life. I spend the evening contacting friends and relatives. Thank God my mother decided to spend time with me for the tonsillectomy because she was a major part of my healing process. Without her, I simply would not have come out of this as quickly as I did.
Thursday, July 31, 1997 the operation started about 1:00 p.m. and was completed by around 9 or 10 that evening. Dr. Ellis did a Mohs Micrographic surgery to remove as much of the tumor while preserving normal tissue. The first margin came back negative. YEA! I had a stage 3 tumor that was about 6cm in mass and I had no idea at the time how important this was, but the cancer did NOT hit any of my nodes on my neck. They did a biopsy on all of the nodes and they were all negative. That was close! So, I was a T4, N0, M0. I spent the next several days in ICU and was released the following Thursday afternoon. The biggest part of my recovery came on Sunday, I think, while I was in ICU. Its was all a blur. The pain was relentless. I did not get better; it seemed to get much worse. Constant throbbing. I wanted more pain medicine, but I could not speak to tell them and I had no energy to write for several days to ask. I looked like a puppet with all the strings attached and could not move. That day I knew I had two options. One, I could die and feel much better or two; I could get better and fight this. I really had to make this decision.
Now, after the operation, I had another decision to make. Do I go through 6 weeks of radiation treatments? After two weeks of thinking about it, I decided not to go through this procedure. I felt that my healing was so good, I felt much better, I was walking every day and I wanted to keep moving forward.
Now, it's July 30, 1999 two years later. I've been lucky and had no recurrence. I give all the credit to God, Jennifer McLellan, Dr.Ellis, my mother and a few friends. All the credit goes their way because I was the luckiest person to have met such a talented and compassionate surgical team. It's still not easy as most nights I wake up thinking about this for a few hours. I cannot make this go away. During the day, it's a constant "hum" in the back of my mind. Without question, I have an immense realization on how lucky others are that have their health. Life is so precious and short. I don't blame anything except that I was dealt a really bad card and I must finish this game. So, everyday is a bonus and I don't worry about tomorrow, because if God wants me to enjoy it, live it and experience it, so be it. I'll do just that.
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